Men Who Care -Tearing down toxic masculinity

Comparisons among "Ted Lasso," "New Amsterdam," and "Shrinking" TV series

Now that "Ted Lasso", the tv series, is over, it's time to celebrate what it brought to the screen. You will find reviews about it everywhere, so I won't attempt to do such a thing. I would rather put some of the themes it touches in perspective. The tv heroes we compare in these series have been adored for warming our hearts, just as much as they have been criticized for "toxic positivity" (see Ted Lasso) or, in the case of New Amsterdam, for superficial presentation of social justice issues. In this article, we would rather make some simple points and remind everyone of the important lessons these protagonists have brought into our lives. And if "toxic positivity" was necessary to counteract toxic masculinity in the collective consciousness... so be it. Personally, I am willing to "forgive" these characterization flaws, as much as they have annoyed me. Is Max Goodwin too self-righteous in New Amsterdam? Probably. But in this case, I like to look at the forest and not the tree.

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The past few years, heart-warming shows like Ted Lasso, New Amsterdam and Shrinking are redefining what masculinity means, and offer us hope that the world can change for the better. Refreshing, sensitive and humorous, these narratives paint a more wholesome picture of 21st century masculinity.

Ted Lasso in the homonymous series (portrayed by Jason Sudeikis) is a football coach. Max Goodwin (portrayed by Ryan Eggold) is a doctor in New Amsterdam hospital; and Jimmy Laird (portrayed by Jason Segel) is a therapist in Shrinking. They have much more in common than you'd expect. There are striking similarities among these characters: all are men who lose their wives (due to divorce, sickness, and an accident, respectively), and all of them are struggling with the challenges of parenting. Coach Ted Lasso is having difficulties in the long-distance parenting of his son; Doctor Max Goodwin is struggling to raise his baby daughter without her mother; and therapist Jimmy Laird is attempting to reconnect with his teenage daughter after the loss in their family.

These men are a far cry from the traditional macho protagonist. They are the “Men Who Care.” Lasso takes care of his football team as a coach, strengthening bonds among the players in a healthy way. Dr. Goodwin takes care of his patients in the hard to navigate, maddening American health system. And therapist Jimmy Laird means to find new and unorthodox ways to support his mental health patients.

Fatherhood and partnership for men is set in a new frame here: it feels fresh, because it tears down emotional walls men have been taught to maintain in the past. Mostly, it's the way they care that makes these characters attractive. They connect to others around them in profound ways. They show empathy. They are not abusive, distant and hard, compared to the usual male protagonists. They may not be Alpha dogs, but we like this Beta Version better.

Relationships with women are not idealized, and women they connect with are not objectified. Having lost their partners, these men have to find new ways to give and receive love. Lasso is not yet emotionally available, so he hooks up on-and-off with his boss' best friend. Goodwin gradually allows himself to get in a new relationship even though he finds it overwhelming. Laird sleeps with one of his colleagues. These are uncomfortable and most of the time, tricky situations. What's important here is that these situations allow for the display of vulnerability and they are true, albeit messy human relationships, that anyone can identify with.

Great value is placed on community in these series – and we like how masculinity does not have to be necessarily only about war and lust for power, as it has been for ages in traditional narratives. Companionship in all forms permeates these stories. We are shown that caring, nurturing and helping out do not have to be exclusive feminine traits. The Diamond Dogs Club in Ted Lasso allows men a safe space to work out their problems and express their feelings. Colleagues in New Amsterdam support each other through thick and thin. And friendship in Shrinking plays a major role in men's health. There is a friendship there that tears down stereotypes about straight men's bromance, as Laird's best friend is gay.

All of these men have to navigate tricky terrains: Coach Lasso has to tackle a new sport he knows nothing about. Dr Goodwin works around the clock trying to run the only public hospital in New York while staying on budget. While Therapist Laird is dealing with people who refuse to help themselves, at the same time he is struggling to find his footing as a grieving husband and help himself.

I think that men should look up to these role models.These series do not appeal to women only. And I am really, really glad they exist. Through entertainment, we can be educated as an audience, we can be uplifted, and we can be hopeful. In a world that feels darker every day, where conflicts tear us apart, individually and collectively, and violence seems to take up more and more space, these characters remind us of our humanity, but the most important lesson of all is that “Toxic Masculinity Does Not Have To Be The Defining Way For Men To Exist.”

Connecting with others is joyful. Parenting and caring is everyone's job, whether male or female. Struggling with relationships is human. Humor and laughter is essential in maintaining our sanity. I cannot stress enough or express enough how important and valuable these lessons are. Since I tend to honor my limited space to write a review, I have to say, without further wasting your time, that these stories are worth your time exploring and enjoying and will involve you more as they unfold than any review that can be written about them.

I'd rather jot down some of my favorite, most precious lines below, to put an end to this article.

“Be a fish” – forget the bad, focus on the good – forget often, just like a goldfish does. “Be curious, not judgemental.” “Believe.” And remember to ask: “How can I help?”